May 14 2025

re: Feeling Good - Nina Simone

This past week, I had the chance to go back east to see the wife, as well as my beloved friends and family! I spent one week in New Jersey (with the wife), one DAY in New Yohk Citayy, meeting up with a whole gaggle of 朋友, and then a weekend (morther's day) with the fam and more friends! I took the ENTIRE week off from work, and boy oh boy that may just have been the smartest decision of my entire life. I made a point to not check anything work related, and instead completed focused on the people and activities in front of me. I tell ya, what a difference it makes, I felt so much more positive! Connected! Loving! Observing! Human! It did rain most of the time I was over though, but that wasn't even a bad thing because all the rivers became soooo fat and full and beautiful.

So, yes. I'm feeling good. BUT! Over the course of one singular day, I had TWO separate conversations with TWO separate people that had me pondering 'why can't I have this in Seattle?' The first was with Angela's friend Kyla, adn the second was with my friend Amy. Both of them questioned my mindset, and I think Amy summarized it best when she said, 'Chafy why are you so emo'. I think both of identified that my current woes about Seattle come from within, and not without. I seem to have convinced myself that I cannot find fulfillment happiness or community in this emerald city. Not because these things don't exist, but because I tell myself so! In fact, I'd argue that I've found all of these things here. I found community through my brother and friends, as well as through jewelry making classes. I found fulfillment in running, crafting, and making this website. I found happiness in calling the wife and talking with my friends near and far! Now, why do I have this preconception, and how, or should I, change it? Well a big reason is because I have roots in far away places. I want to spend time with those I'm close already than try and find new people to become close to. Some days, Seattle feels like a lost cause that I shouldn't even begin in. I think this is not great, and speaks to something Kyla said. It is not mutually exclusive to make new friends and keep old ones. I want to be able to welcome my new situation and commit myself to where I am now! I want to make friends here! and keep friends elsewhere! And I can! That being said, I still feel that there are some things I'm justified in feeling tacit about. At the time of writing this, it's been less than a week since I've been back in Seattle, and I already feel the bile of bitterness building up within me. I think it's not fair to say that the whole ordeal is ENTIRELY within me. There definitely are parts of the city that I less than like, and I could spend hours enumerating them. Regardless, couldn't we all do with looking on the bright side a little more often? I get to have my beautiful breakfast every day. I have the ability to walk to a community run craft center whenever I want. I live right next to my brother, and I can go outside and walk to a concert anytime!! When I romanticize things a bit, it all seems pretty awesome. But. And there's always a but. And I'm not sure why. This past week, I've gotten talking to my new coworker Herbert. He's an older guy with a family from Louisianan and he's a BIG fishe who loves all things aquatic. We got to talking about fishing and seafood, and he shared me photos of these MASSIVE Lingcod he caught the other day, as well as some deets about how I can get started and where to go to fish. One thing he said really struck me -- 'Get out there man!' And that's abso-freaking-lutely right! I gotta get out there! Start doing stuff! There's a whole world to explore and friends to be made! And I'm excited for every second of it! - Nick Previous Home Next