March 15 2025

re: The Head Hurts but the Heart Knows the Truth

I've been listening to a lot of Vegyn (not-so) recently, and he created this side project called Headache. If you're reading this I recommend you give it a listen, it's the album on this website's landing page! It's essentially some British guy reciting slam poetry over an ethereal beat; a little corny but I frick with it. What can I say I love a witty one liner. And especially on days where I can't seem to think about anything except for gloom, that album feels like a breathing exercise; something you can fully focus on but not think about at all. But that's beside the point! Today I want to meditate on the name of the album, The Head Hurts but the Heart Knows the Truth.

These past two weeks I had the blessing of receiving visits from two people close to me. One of them was my girlfriend, Angela, and the other was my good buddy ol pal Charles aka chuck. And both of them had me thinking about decisions. You see, Charles has recently been admitted to three (!) incredibly desirable PhD programs. Everybody say congratulations chuck! While he has been blessed with the opportunity to decide where he will pursue this PhD, he has also been cursed with the obligation of deciding. I mean, it makes sense right -- he's going to be immersing himself in whichever university he chooses. Those years he spent in that university will be as much about researching whatever it is he chooses to pursue as it will be about reconciling every experience, conviction, and ideal that has led him to this point under a new identity, and perhaps a brand new location. So yeah it's a kind of big decision that you should kinda think about a bit. Similarly, when my girlfriend visited me, we had (many) conversations about purpose. Currently, I live for that chasing bag. My life is oriented around making that shmoney for as long as possible without going insane. Angela too will soon be chasing that bag in her own city at her own job. And you know, chasing that bag isn't too bad in the day to day. One can get very used to cogging for 6-8 hours, going home, doing a couple hours of something (typically exercising, cooking, cleaning, watching tv, or eating), going to bed, and repeat and repeat and repeat and repeat. However, that is the very issue, that it is comfortable, but not inspiring. I do not feel like I'm living life when I experience life like this, I am simply going through the motions. Yes, you can explore your hobbies outside of work and have a 5-9 after your 9-5, but I'm doubtful on how that will work for me. I'm doubtful for a couple reasons. First, work is exhausting. I gotta think and that's hard man. So when I get home I don't want to keep on thinking about new things and hobbies. Okay, that's a lie. I want to think about these things, but I don't have the intrinsic motivation to execute on them. The barrier to begin is so high in my mind that I rarely ever begin my hobbies on my own. In fact, I'm only writing this because I told Angela I would! So, after alllll that exposition, I finally arrive at my point; the album name. When I open my eyes, I see that -at the risk of overgeneralizing- everyone is living in contention between their heart and their head. This isn't really novel, you could call it the soul versus the body, the id vs ego, heart vs brain, etc etc. I don't know if the heart knows the truth, I think I lean towards believing the heart more these days, but regardless of the Truth, I feel this. I identify with this contention, and that's kind of funky. -Nick Previous Home Next